To Fear


In God, whose word I praise, in the LORD, whose word I praise
in God I trust; I will not be afraid. What can man do to me?
I am under vows to you, O God; I will present my thank offerings to you.
For you have delivered me from death and my feet from stumbling,
that I may walk before God in the light of life.
~Psalms 56: 10-13

Last week our Sunday School class started a series on Fear. The class leader asked us to write down one of our fears on a slip of paper and place it in a box. I immediately, without hesitation, wrote "I fear the death of my child."

I looked over at my husband's response and he had written, "I fear growing too tall." I knew immediately that meant that he really had no fears. His faith in God overshadows his fears.

"Oh," I thought. "I wish I could be that faithful and sure. I really do. But I fear losing my child."

When I was young I had lots of fears. I was deathly afraid of answering the telephone. I'm not sure why, but I was. I didn't like to be in the presence of people I didn't know. I feared having to talk in front of the class. At the end of each school day we rode the bus from the elementary school to the high school and then walked home. And I was fearful every single day when I got off the bus. The high school boys scared me.

As life progressed I was fearful of rejection. I was fearful that people would not like me. I was fearful that I would get fired.

But now I have to say that I don't fear much at all. I realize that God has given me the gift of free will to make decisions that can calm many of my fears. I avoid dangerous situations and use caution, so I don't fear being raped, murdered, or hurt in some way by another person.
I keep a healthy perspective on what other people think of me. I live my life the best I can. People will think what they want regardless. I don't fear loss of job because I know I can find another. I don't fear hardship or illness. I will bear those burdens should they come.

But I fear losing Adam or Kendra or Bayley. When Adam was just a few days old I had a horrific dream in which he died. I cannot bear to write the details. When he was a tiny baby, terrible thoughts would pass through my head - just mere seconds long - and they would literally make me shudder.

I know that Adam does not belong to us. He belongs to God. But Adam is ours to grow and nurture and protect. His hand is ours to hold. And I fear that somehow, in an instant, his hand will slip from mine when I was charged with holding it, and Adam will be gone.

This is all the more reason to not live in Fear, but rather in Joy and Celebration. Each and every day. And I must remember that Adam's little hand, if it should slip from mine, will be caught without fail by God's.
And who could possibly ask for more?


Vader's Mom :

Wonderful wonderful post! Thank you for reminding me that when I feel alone God is there. :)

Stephanie :

I don't know how to shake that fear either. I can't say that there are many other things I really worry about, but that is definitely one. I can so relate to the dreams. I had them when my son was a baby, too. He was preemie and I remember being almost paralyzed with a fear of losing him sometimes. I would rush to him and look at chest to make sure it was still rising and falling. It seems silly now that he's eight, but it was so real then.

What an awesome picture you paint of God catching that little hand if you drop it. It's so true. He truly is amazing, isn't He?

Doughnut :

Very nice post...and how many times has God's first words to anyone been: "Fear not". Fear is so much a part of being human it seems. Does it say anything about our ability to trust? :)

Susan :

I loved your husbands confident reply!!!

Susan :

Oh my goodness, Jill, I love this post! I occasionally "go there" about my own children and it is definitely a horrible thing to think about. And yet, you're right, we need to know that they belong to God and that He cares for them and for us.

I have to fly tomorrow. This is one of my "fears" and I shall remember your post as I'm doing so.

Thank you for blessing me today!

:-) Susan

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