A Meaty Issue


Since I confessed my complicated love affair with beverages a few weeks ago, I figured I might as well go ahead and lay it all out there for you, my dear readers, and tell you about
me + meat

Honestly, I've never really loved meat. I've never been known to say things like, "Oh, I'm just craving a plate of bacon, sausage and ham." I would never order a Meat Lovers Pizza.

Growing up in Iowa afforded me a lot of opportunities to eat meat...really good meat...corn fed Iowa beef and pork. To this day, in the rare instance I sit down with a steak in front of me, I always wish it had been hand-selected from Neal's meat case at my hometown grocery store.

Once I have decided that I will eat meat, the real problems begin. I say problems because...well, I'm so very, very picky.

Any red meat that I eat cannot have any evidence of red. You will never hear me say, "I'd like that medium rare." The outside of the meat must be more than golden brown, but less than charred. The grading scale of doneness on the outside trickles over into other genres of food like toast, pizza and just about anything that gets baked in the oven, but that's another whole post for another day. My husband has nearly mastered the grading scale of this absurdity.

He also has two rules to guide all the helpless souls who might have to cook a piece of meat for me:

#1: Cook it until you think you can't cook it any more...and then cook it five more minutes.

#2: Start grilling Jill's meat now, and then add everyone else's in half an hour.

Bless his soul. Not only does he have to deal with the beverage graveyard in our house, he must also deal with my meat issues, which really are more complicated and annoying when you're the person on the other end of the tongs.

Once my meat is (finally!, finally!) cooked, I simply cannot bear to cut into it. Slicing up hunks of meat just doesn't work for me. I really prefer if it's cut up for me into bite-sized pieces.

Yes! Like you'd do for a child.

So this weekend, as you fire up those grills and BBQ your chicken and ribs, think of me.

No...actually.... think of my husband. Perhaps say a little prayer for him. Because grilling at our house is a bit more INVOLVED and DEMANDING than it should be.

Oh....Can I have a drink with that?


Amber Kay :

A couple things:
- growing up on a cattle farm I didn't eat meat from 7th grade until my freshman year of college
- the phase "Oh, I'm just craving a plate of bacon, sausage and ham." about made me hurl!
- My meat fetishs are as follows: I only eat steak from a resturant, I don't eat pork, I only eat chicken when someone else cooks it and I only like hamburgers when they made into patties at the meat locker.

Susan :

You can throw my steak on with yours Jill cause thats how I like mine!! What time is the cookout?

Susan :

OK sounds like you need to have shish kabobs instead of a whole slab of meat. And if you don't eat meat, so what??? I have two of my "guys" who love theirs still red...not me...cooked please!!

And, Sister, I don't know how I missed your "drink post"...but we ARE kindred spirits in that regard.


:-) Susan

Vader's Mom :

ME TOO! Jeff just smiled when I read him the "rules." When we go out, I order by burgers/steaks/etc. by saying "hockey-puck it." That seems to help the servers get it.

justabeachkat :

Oh Jilly Girl, we are kindred spirits in so many ways. I too didn't read your post about beverages until tonight.

I need to read both of your post out loud to my husband. Just so he'll know I'm not the only one who has these same "quirks".

It drives him crazy that I leave drink containers everywhere. By my computer, by my bathroom vanity, on the counters in the bar and kitchen. Sometimes in the laundry room and usually in my car. I never seem to finish one. I love my sugar free decaf non fat vanilla latte in the morning and caffeine free diet coke the rest of the day (no pepsi...yuk) until happy hour. Then usually a glass of wine and later hot decaf tea before bed. And VERY little water, although I'm working on that.

Now when it comes to meat, e-v-e-r-y-t-h-i-n-g has to be well cooked. I've never been a red meat lover. Usually I stick to chicken, fish, shrimp, and sometimes pork. But ALL well done. Mine goes on the grill first and comes off last.

Stephanie :

Hilarious post, Jill. It is our little "issues" that make us who we are, isn't it? My little issues, and my husband's loving tolerance of them, is one of the reasons I love him. Sounds like you have a good one, too.

Dianne :

That post about drinks was one of my favorite ever...I had to go back and read it this morning! I mostly eat chicken or fish, but when I do get steak, it's always medium well...that 'rare' stuff is gross! :-)

Tracey Kirksey :

I'm with you! I don't drink much with a meal, but hubby says I have to have a drink in my hand all day long!

And my meat, it needs to be charred! If I see the slightest bit of pink, I will F-R-E-A-K!!!

Doughnut :

Jill...If I were your husband (lucky man that he is!), we'd have a talk about becoming - vegetarians! :))

Nadine :

Too funny. I'm afraid I'm a big meat lover - a good steak, yummy. Have a great weekend.

An Iowa Mom :

Oh ... you would hate me. I eat all meat barely cooked. I just ordered a steak this afternoon for lunch ... rare/medium rare. :)

Fun post!

Sandra :

Jill, I LOVE meat LOL and I have once or twice said "I'm craving a huge juicy steak"....yep, I saw the pic of the grill with all that meat on there and my mouth started watering LOL

What time can I come over for the BBQ?

Sonya :

LOL! I am the same way with my meat....it has to be done and I will not stand for any "pink" juices coming out. If they come out pink, it ain't done! I like it cooked exactly as you described it! My hubby always tells me that there's no flavor in my meat because it all gets cooked out. Fine by me! I'll just eat a ton of steak sauce with it!

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