If I Suddenly Appear Bald, It's Because I've Pulled All the Hair Out of My Head

Conversation on the way home from toddler boy's school after his mama had worked a very long day:

You can have a piece of gum, but do not swallow it.

Why do you say "Do not swallow it?"

Because gum is not meant to be swallowed. It's not good for your tummy when you swallow gum. If you swallow that piece, you're not getting any more.

But I chew it and dat's why I swallow it.

You can chew things without swallowing them. Not everything is meant to be swallowed.

Like my food? Do I have to swallow dat?

Yes. You swallow food. That's how your body gets the energy it needs so you can grow up to play baseball and football.

Den what do I do wiff my gum if I only chew it?

You spit it out when you're done chewing it.

OK! I'm done.

BUT NOT RIGHT NOW! Keep chewing! If you spit it out on the floor it's big trouble little mister.

{silence from the back seat} Mama thinking she'd really made her point.

Will dat help me be good in football now, Mom?

Did you swallow it?

Yes. Can I have a-nudder piece. It tasted so good!