Have You Seen My Mind?


Lately I feel like I'm living that oft-used joke:
"I've lost my mind. Let me know if you find it."

I don't mean "lost my mind" as in "where's the nearest mental ward."

I mean lost my mind as in: I just carried a bag of Ju-Ju Fruits around the house for about 5 minutes without even realizing I hadn't put them away as I intended.

I mean lost my mind as in: I never seem to remember to take the grocery list with me when I go grocery shopping.

This weekend Doug and I and the kids went to Home Depot to buy shrubs and pansies. As we stood amidst the rows of pansies, making a decision seemed overwhelming and impossible. Holding my head in my hands, I exclaimed unexpectedly (it surprised both me and my husband), "I CAN'T CONCENTRATE!".

I was trying to estimate how much space we had to fill and how many pansies it would take. I was trying to make sure Adam, who was in his own world trying to push a cart 5 times his size, didn't wander out into the parking lot or otherwise hurt himself. I was trying to see if Doug was watching him or if Doug thought I was watching him.

I was trying to read the very small print about what kind of light, soil and life span the pansies had, keeping in mind that I can easily kill any living thing that goes in the ground. And suddenly my mind just went into static mode, like a cable channel that has lost its connection...fuzzy and snowy and jumbled.

And that happens a lot. I like to think it's because I have so much going on between home, work, church and the kids' activities. I can't quit thinking about the laundry when I'm doing the daily sales report. I can't quit thinking about what it is I have to send out in the afternoon Fed-Ex when I should be thinking about what it is I need to pack in Adam's daycare bag. He had to beg, borrow and steal diapers and wipes for two days before I finally rememberd to replenish his supply. I am sure all the Young Toddlers will be talking about it for days.

I am known for being organized, sometimes to a fault. I'm a list maker and a planner. But lately it seems even my lists go missing. I've misplaced our digital camera. I spent half an hour looking for Adam's shoes this weekend, and I found them in a place I commonly put them. At work I can't remember who's on vacation or who needs me to sign-off on a project.

And, not only do I have to remember all kinds of thousands of things for my life, I have to remember as much or even more for my boss. I won't go into detail, but just let me say that I am called upon at any given time to recall her contact lens prescription details, secure a Russian visa for her, her husband and their two friends, and begin planning Winter Holiday 2008 only three months after Winter Holiday 2007 concluded. Yes, folks, it takes the better part of 9 months to plan. You try finding a private, English speaking tour guide in Phuket, Thailand and a horse-whisperer in New Zealand.

I do have moments of clarity. Moments when all wheels turn in unison. But they don't seem to last long. Perhaps the horse-whisperer can help me.

Until next time,


Alida :

just stopping by though the big party link! great blog!

Robin :

Ummm, Jill, God attached our heads to our bodies FOR A REASON! Otherwise I'm certain I would've lost mine a long, long time ago :/.

Your post made me smile, I soooo resemble your "pain" :).

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