Just Call Me........


I saw him again today, just like I do nearly every other morning on my way to work. The man who shaves while he drives. Doesn't need a mirror. Has probably been doing it so long he can do it in his sleep. In fact, I think that would be a good idea because it kinda grosses me out. I mean... shaving is personal. Others aren't supposed to see that.

So, because I am subjected to this commuter abuse, I have been trying to give him a nickname. Remington seems waaaaaaaay too masculine, since he has at least two chins to shave. Maybe that's why he can't do it before he leaves the house. Not enough time and too many chins. One day the perfect nickname will come to me. And I will most certainly let you know the moment the glory shines.

This also got me thinking today about all the nicknames I've applied and been privy to over the years:

* When I was in middle school there was a creepy-looking high schooler who was deaf in one ear and drove what he thought was a really cool souped-up black car. He had a straggly goatee and was really skinny. My friends and I called him Groaty. (Rhymes with throaty). Ironically, Groaty's sisters were really pretty. He must have gotten into the bad gene pool. Years later my brother told me that Groaty tried to run him down with his car near the post office. If I'd have known that then, I would have made up an even uglier nickname.

* The cemetary superintendent in my hometown is known as Coon. Don't ask me why. I didn't give him the name, but it really cracks me up. "Hi, Coon." "How ya doin', Coon?" I wonder if his wife says "Coon, can you please pick up some bread and milk on your way home from the cemetary?"

* The high school janitor in my home town was nicknamed Stinky, for obvious reasons. Then he was also elected Mayor when my mom was City Clerk. "Stinky the Mayor." Only in small town USA.

* Back in 2002 when I was training for a marthon, I spent the winter running around and around and around the track at a gym near my office. Every morning at 5:30am there I'd be, along with about 20 senior citizens, including Pink Flossy, the lady who wore bubble gum pink sweat suits and flossed her teeth the whole time she walked.

* A friend of mine dated a guy for a couple months. On what would turn out to be their last meeting, she brought him some cookies for the holidays. She never saw him, or the fancy plate the cookies were on, again. He is known as Plate Man.

Oh, there are so many more. Maybe Part II will follow when I finally come up with a name for the Shaving Man. Hey, when you drive the same route 245 days a year, you have to entertain yourself some way.

Until next time,


Vader's Mom :

Oh, I'm so bad about nick-naming people.

We went to school with "Snot-Bucket." Jeff used to fly with "Broken-Arm." He laughs at the random way I will nickname people. And "Broken-Arm" hasn't had a broken arm in years, but I still call him that. If Jeff calls him by his real name, I have no idea who he is talking about.

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