The Best Gift Ever

Nineteen years ago this spring I rolled into Atlanta, Georgia in my silver Chevy Cavalier from small town Iowa. Every time I filled up the tank along the 1,000 mile trip I lifted up prayers galore that it wouldn't up and die on the side of the road in Illinois...or Tennessee....or Kentucky....

Everything I owned was in that car.  Boxes held necessities. My one and only suitcase held the important stuff: books, a few pieces of jewelry, photos, my journals, and a box of letters and cards I'd saved over the years - handwritten gems still came in the mail back then!  Everything in that suitcase was a comfort to me and there were many times in the years following, as I moved around the city from place to place, that same stuff moved with me in that same suitcase. 

My Cavalier came through for me and I moved into a little apartment with not nearly enough to fill it. I distinctly remember opening the kitchen cabinet next to the sink and setting my two plates, two bowls, and two coffee cups inside on the middle shelf.  Then I promptly moved the coffee cups to the bottom shelf, side by side, because spreading my sparseness out just felt better.

Fast forward about fifteen years to the kitchen in my current home. The kitchen itself was bigger than that whole entire apartment and the cabinets were full-to-overflowing with every plate, bowl, platter, mug, pot, pan, wine glass, martini glass, and champagne flute known to (wo)man. 

It was the middle of a steamy Georgia summer and I'd just been on a morning run. I came into the house through my basement, as I always did, and glanced around the corner towards the back where I shoved everything-that-I-didn't-want-to-deal-with, including all my Christmas decorations I'd taken down six months prior, but hadn't yet bothered to put away.  

I was also going through some personal trials and life changes at this time.  I was recently divorced with a four year old son and, honestly, I was having a hard time adjusting to living life as a solo parent. Living life as a solo person wasn't as hard; I was doing pretty well at that actually.  But the lone parenting gig was tough. Additionally, I'd recently returned from visiting my mom in Iowa and found out some hard things about our relationship in one of those, "I'm really not surprised, but now that I know it I'm just crushed" moments that come along as life meanders along its path.  I was hurting and struggling.  I was surrounded by a plethora of stuff (crap? things? belongings? collections?) and yet I longed, in so many ways, for something I did not have.

I sat down and had a good old fashioned cry for about 1.7 minutes and then I committed myself to doing what had been on my heart and in my mind for awhile - truthfully for years.  I needed to get rid of the physical stuff that was taking over my home and reconcile the emotional stuff that was taking over my mind.

"To be content with little is difficult; to be content with much, impossible." - Marie van Ebner-Eschenbach

The path of least resistance was the physical stuff, of course.  And so that very day I started moving, purging, sorting, sifting..... I decided to start at the top of my house and work down, room by room. I also wrote about it here.

I went through all the closets and rooms of my house, I went through all the whys and hows of the things that had overtaken my life. Selfish? Self-centered? Sad? Lonely? Hopeless? Empty? Greedy? Why did an overflowing stash of designer throw pillows make me feel fulfilled?  Why did a new set of summer dishes make me happy while a hike with my son made me feel inconvenienced?   Why did I keep buying things to wear yet I still never had anything to wear?    

   

That summer was memorable for me.  The best and the worst. I accomplished so much even in the midst of dealing with some really hard things.  I realized all the physical stuff in my house was a replacement for what I was missing inside.


  

And now, two years later, I've manged to maintain the changes I worked so hard on that summer.  I no longer feel smothered and overwhelmed when I open a cabinet door or bedroom closet or my garage door.  The journey wasn't always easy but this destination has been sweet.  Thank you, God, for the gifts of grace and new mercies!

But the journey is not over for me.  Is it really every over?  For any of us?  But it's good.  It's more clear, it's more intentional, it's more about looking outward and upward.  It's about taking that hike, riding bikes, listening when people talk to me, and having people who listen to me when I talk to them.  My closet is half as full as it was for years, and I always have something to wear!  And I have places to wear it with people I love who love me in return.

I also worked hard on my relationship with my 87-year old mom, despite what had happened. I did not want her to feel the same heartache and pain I was feeling. I invited her to come stay with me for a couple weeks last May and was so happy when she said yes!  I lived in a sweet spot those two weeks, the longest my mom and I had been together my entire adult life.

As I sat with her at her gate as she waited to board her flight I hugged her and hugged her again, a tiny little bird.  I remember feeling her whispy white hair against my cheek and smelling the familiar mama smell.  I just loved it. When it was time to board I stood and watched while the attendant wheeled her down the jetway. Then he stopped and swiveled her around. I love you, she said as she waved at me. I love, love, LOVE you.  And of course I caught all that sweetness and tossed it all right back, waving even as she was out of sight.

I never saw my mom again. 

Six months later, mere hours after my 47th birthday, she suddenly passed away.   

With my sweet son by my side, I went back to my beloved homeland the week of Thanksgiving to memorialize my mom and be with my family.  We gave eulogies, shared memories, laughed, cried, hugged friends, gave thanks for floral arrangements, thoughtful cards and messages, casseroles and homemade cookies.

Walking into her house for the first time that week was so hard.  She meant to keep on living:  sticky note reminders on her cabinet, a half glass of water beside her chair, my birthday card lying open on her desk with a pen on top.  

The house in which she lived was not the house in which I grew up and it never held any special meaning to me, except that it was her home, where she moved when she retired.  It was filled with furniture from my childhood, along with all the things Mom collected / grouped / displayed on shelves, tables, walls and anything else with a flat surface.

And, because my brothers and I were spread out across the country, that week back home also included going through Mom's things, deciding what we wanted and what we would leave behind.

It felt too soon to me.  Intrusive.  Rash.  Impersonal.  But it also needed to be done.  So we did.  I did. And within minutes I was there again, surrounded by stuff - boxes and boxes of it - yet none of it was mine this time.  Ribbon, craft supplies, zip loc bags, office supplies, dishes, bobble head solar powered reindeer, scarves, gloves, pillow cases and bath towels.  What did it all mean here, in my mom's house?  Did it mean she was loney? Sad? Scared? Did she need security?  Did she wish for something?  Did I do enough for her?

Things are always more clear from the outside looking in, aren't they?  And when one's own heart and head are not involved it's so much easier to be a critic.  I began piling all of my own thoughts and feelings about my overflowing boxes and drawers onto my mom.  Certainly what I felt must have been what she felt.  Certainly my shortcomings, manifested in a plethora of door wreaths and stemware and "running shoes", must also be her shortcomings.

I sat down on the floor in her dressing room among literally hundreds of pieces of costume jewelry. What should I do?  What should I take? What things would matter to me in the months and years ahead?  I laid back onto the floor and closed my eyes and my mind flooded with memories of my sweet mama and my eyes flooded with tears.

There she was in the kitchen wearing an apron with a towel flung over her shoulder, making dinner.  There she was sitting in our large basement on a rainy Sunday afternoon painting ceramics while I played 45rpm records in my "kitchen" with my stuffed animals.  There she was sipping a margarita on my sofa listening to my son recite his lines for his play.   

None of the memories involved things.  None of the memories were boxed up in the basement or in the closets or in the drawers.  They were all floating free, ripe for the picking, warm and sweet and perfect.

I came home with a few things: her charm bracelet, milk glass vases, hand mirror, hankies...But more importantly I came home satisfied that I was on the right path in my own home and in my own life.  I had been tested:  Memories came first and memories mattered most.  If I had to leave everything else behind, I would have.  

Evenso, the things that stayed behind haunted me for awhile.  Things can be very hard to shake.

We preoccupy ourselves with what we had - or what we want to have - at the expense of what currently have.  

On Christmas Day my son gave me an envelope: to Mom from your Mom and your son.  I flipped it over to open it but it was already open and it was empty.  I brought this home from Gramma Eva's house. It smells just like her and I thought that was the best gift ever.

Oh yes, my son.  It truly, truly is.  

Losing It ... and My Mid-Year New Year

Now that school is back in session at my house, I consider summer "officially" over, even though it's still hot and humid and the leaves are still green and still on the trees.  

I'm not a fan of summer for many reasons:  

*  I don't like hot weather (perfect, since I live in the south where it's hot 3/4 of the year, right?)

*  I don't particularly care for hot weather fashion (which is what makes the world go 'round)

*  My schedule isn't flexible and carefree and "fun in the sun"

That being said, I also live on the optimistic side of life, so every Memorial Day I give myself a pep talk about making summer a great experience for my son, since summer for a kid is magical.  

Over the past couple of years I'd gained some weight.  I am almost 46 years old and it's no secret that weight management (not to mention weight loss) gets tougher as we get older.  When I got divorced I also started a job that is pretty much sitting at a desk for 8 hours a day.  Add to that the limited amount of free time I have as a solo parent during the week to work out and I had myself a formula for fat.  

So I pep-talked myself into a serious weight loss plan beginning the day after Memorial Day and in six weeks I lost 25 pounds and 2 dress sizes.  I'm almost 5'10", so to be quite honest most people that see me regularly didn't even notice a change, but I most certainly can tell a huge difference.  When I do mention my loss, everyone wants to know what I ate and how I did it and I plan to do a post on it later. If you have questions, leave them in the comments and I'll make sure to answer. I never struggled with my weight at all as an adult until I had a baby at almost 40 years old.  Since then I've become fascinated with studying and reading about what we eat and how it affects our bodies.  How many of you can relate to eating very little, exercising a lot and losing little, if any, weight?  

Before and After 

Another area of my life that also weighed me down was the amount of clutter and unnecessary stuff I had in almost every out of sight area of my house.  I'm a collector - art, mirrors, fabric, accessories, dresses, purses, shoes, bracelets, belts - I just can't help myself.  I like "things" in my living space. I like to have options when I get dressed. It brings me joy to be able to look at a collection that brings back memories of people and places while I'm cooking in my kitchen or reading in bed.  And, let's face it, collecting "things" is a comfort zone.  You never know when you might need  48 dessert plates, right?  However, my decorating style, along with my closets, had gotten into the full-to-overflowing category and enough was enough.

I began on the top level of my house and worked my way down.  Baskets, bins and cupboards were cleaned out one by one.  Toys, books, clothes, and accessories were packed up and moved out. I know the cute girls at my local consignment store by name now.  I had two garage sales.  I donated to Goodwill and the Disabled Vets.  I filled big black garbage bags and hauled them up my driveway for the trash every Thursday morning .  Every week, I did a little upstairs until it was done...and then I moved to the main level of my house and did it all over again.

It wasn't always easy.  There were many times when I tossed something and then took it out again and then tossed it again.  I had to constantly re-evaluate why I was keeping things that were of no monetary value or use to me.  Slowly but surely my main level was also cleaned out, decluttered, and organized.

So, as my physical weight started going, so too did the weight gone from the rooms, desks, cupboards, tabletops and cabinets of my home.  As of today, all that remains is my basement where, honestly, some of the hardest-to-part-with things have landed.  I still struggle with giving / keeping even after all I've accomplished.  My plan is to deal with the last of it when I get out my holiday decor to decorate for Christmas.  {Hello seven tubs of Christmas tree ornaments!}

I can honestly say I had a good summer; and my son says he had an awesome summer, which is what really matters. As the new school year begins for us, I also feel like I've begun a "new year" without the horrible feeling of going to my closet and having nothing to wear though the rods are overflowing with clothes.  I've begun a "new year" without looking at a linen closet stacked with old sheets and towels that are past their prime, school papers from pre-K tossed in a plastic bin, and burnt down candles in a chest that should have been tossed long ago.

Here's a little encouragement today if you're struggling a bit with clutter....or weight....or just stuff!  You can do something about it.  You can!  I lost weight during summer holidays and pool parties where food was the focus.  I lost weight during my summer vacation.  I cleaned out my living room cabinets on a Thursday night at 11pm after working at my job for 10 hours. Getting rid of the blue paint can that had been sitting under there for months was my best accomplishment of the whole day!  Like you, I spend so much of my day doing things for other people and it felt so good to do something for myself, and ultimately for my family.  Even if it was close to midnight, I still went to bed feeling a sense of purpose and accomplishment.

If you need to proclaim a New Year - go for it.  Maybe a new school year is just the margin you need to mentally start fresh.  It was hard work for me but the rewards on the other side have been immeasurably worth it.

Happy Thursday to you!  I'll be back tomorrow with some of my Friday Faves!

Tie One On

Last night when I was wrapping some party gifts, it occurred to me how hard it can be to get a bow tied on a package so it looks juuuuuuuust right.

I learned this little trick several years ago and thought I'd share it here.

I love to use tulle (found at craft and fabric stores) because it is easy to work with and very pretty.

Also, as a rule of thumb, I use the gift I am putting the ribbon on to "measure" how much to use. I usually use 4x the longest length of the package. Sounds a little corny, but it really does work.

For the bow:
Place your ribbon around the back of your gift and cross tie it around the front one time.

Next, turn your gift in the opposite direction from where you want the bow oriented in the end. My gifts are "vertical", so I will turn the gift horizontally for the next step.

Cross tie your ribbon again to form a knot. This is one reason why I love tulle so much. You can pull it really tight and it doesn't damage or crinkle the paper. Then tie a bow. You will see below that the bow wants to lay in the opposite direction in which is was formed. Instead of laying straight it is slightly off center.

Turn your gift again so it is oriented in the direction in which you intend and straighten the bow a little and it will stay.


Fluff and primp and add a tag. I like to put my ribbon on the upper 1/3 of the gift and add the tag below for something different. For this tag I used a large 3" scallop punch and initial stickers - both from the scrapbooking section at Michael's.

Happy wrapping, y'all!

Baking Down Memory Lane

I learned to cook and bake at a very young age by watching my mom in the kitchen. She had an avocado green KitchenAid stand mixer, Tupperware measuring cups, copper bottom pots and pans and very well used cookie sheets.

My mom used recipes from family and friends for the bulk of our meals and sweet treats. Many of them were made from memory, and many others were lovingly written on recipe cards. About ten years ago my mom wrote her favorite recipes on cards for me and I cherish them not only for all the tasty memories those recipes hold, but also because I get to see my mom's handwriting every time I use them.


I've compiled quite a collection of cookbooks over the years, but my favorite cookbook is from a small country church just outside my hometown. It was given to me for Christmas 1985 by two little girls to whom I taught ballet. I was a senior in high school and I think they were in 1st or 2nd grade. That was almost 25 years ago in case you're counting, and it seems like I use it more and more as the years tick by. Heck, it's almost vintage!

The recipe I make the most is chocolate chip oatmeal cookies. The page is ragged, a little slick from years of flour dust settling in, and now that I have kids of my own helping me bake, the pages are a little sticky, too. I have committed the recipe to memory long ago, but every time I make them, I have to have my beloved book propped open.

One of the very first things my mom taught me when baking was to cream the butter and sugar together very well first. I blend mine until it is fluffy. Then I add eggs and beat very well again.

* I also use 3-4x the amount of vanilla called for in almost everything I bake. I think it gives a much richer (but not sweeter) taste.

* For cookies I add an additional 1/4 cup (or little more) of flour. I like round, soft cookies - as opposed to thin and crispy - and I find this is one thing that helps. I also add 1/2 cup more oatmeal than called for.

* I also love to add chopped walnuts to these cookies. My husband recently suggested making them with white chocolate chips, oatmeal and macadamia nuts. Sounds pretty darn delicious to me.


And then there's the best part.

Eating
a whole plate
a whole stack
a whole dozen
some.

Burning Issues

So my mom just emailed me... I don't burn candles any more because you wouldn't believe all the soot they give off in your house.

Great.

Not only am I worried sick that all this rain is going to cause a tree to fall on our house in the middle of the night...

...now I have home pollution factors to stress about.

And my favorite black lounge pants are M.I.A.

*sigh*

A Mid-Summer Night's Dinner

My father-in-law is visiting us, so last night we invited cousins over for a family dinner on the deck.

Some people name their yachts or their race horses. Since we don't have either of those, we decided to name our deck.


Welcome!


When we plan dinner parties outside, my husband usually grills and I make a few simple sides.

This time I made baked beans and pasta salad using what I had on hand.... elbow macaroni, slivered carrots, fresh radishes, celery hearts, red and yellow bell pepper, black olives and dried cranberries.

One of my favorites is fresh tomatoes from the farmer's market drizzled with olive oil, a few dashes of sea salt, fresh basil from our spice pot and some feta cheese.

Over the years, I've accumulated quite a stash of table linens and decor. I have a chest in my keeping room with one deep drawer dedicated exclusively to cloth napkins so I always have some ready to pull out. I actually find pressing napkins relaxing and fun since they're small and don't have any of the nooks and crannies that can be so frustrating.

One thing I was missing, though, when it came time to set the table, was napkin rings. I know I have lots, but could not for the life of me find them. They are probably some place very logical, but they were not with the napkins, so go figure. So I grabbed some ribbon and used that instead.

My husband and I entertain a lot and I have five things I try to do every time so I am an unharried hostess when guests arrive. I know they seem simple and logical, but often times they are pushed to the last minute and can make or break a party:

1. I get myself dressed at least two hours before guests are set to arrive. Freshen up your lipstick or lipgloss when the first guest rings the doorbell and you'll be the hostess-with-the-mostess.

2. Set the table as far in advance as you can, even the night before. I often do it after the kids are in bed. I can be a little more creative without some little person clinging to my leg.

3. Limit side dishes to three. More than that is just not necessary. (Unless it's Thanksgiving, of course. Then 10 or 15 is good.)

4. Set out drinks and appetizers so your guests feel welcome right from the start. I've tried hundreds of appetizers it seems, and the most popular with our friends and family are: spinach dip and white corn chips, a tray of asiago and smoked cheddar cheese with dates and almonds, and hummus with crackers.

5. Always keep ingredients for a go-to dessert on hand (I love Ghiardelli Ultimate Fudge Brownie Mix) as well as frozen brown n' serve rolls of some sort. If you get in a pinch and need fillers, both of these are tasty and easy!

Then grab yourself a glass of wine...

sit back...

enjoy your family, friends, food...

and the moment!

Our Magnolia Tree

I was born and raised in the Midwest.

Iowa to be exact.

Home of many cornfields....

and pigs.

I will always consider myself a Midwestern Girl; an Iowan through and through...

though many of the most cherished things in my life have happened since I moved to The South.

I met my husband here...but he's a Midwesterner, too!

Oklahoma to be exact.

My son was born here in Atlanta, so he's a Southerner.

Had I not moved to the south, I most likely would never had uttered things like:

Y'all come over for dinner. I'll make black-eyed peas and collard greens.

~ or ~

I'd like a large sweet tea, please, with extra ice and lemon.

And, had I not moved to The South, I never would have been able to say,

I have a beautiful magnolia tree in my front yard.

We love our magnolia tree. It is big and beautiful and perfect for climbing.

It tells us that spring is officially here when we see those large white buds begin to appear.

Almost overnight, they begin to open, layer by delicate white layer. And they smell wonderful!

I can see the beautiful flowers on our magnolia tree from our kitchen and from our dining room.

The flowers can contain as many as 14 layers with a pretty yellow center. They are often described as having splendid beauty.

And I have to agree.

Our magnolia tree is both splendid and beautiful.

And also very special, because it's so Southern!

While I Was Away...

Hello everyone!

My bloggy break was just like a real vacation....I enjoyed my time away but it's great to be back.

Here's a little glimpse into what I did while I was gone.

The most important thing I did was spend less time at the computer and more time with the people that mean the most to me. Spring (and a little bit of summer) arrived while I was gone and we spent time doing little things that mean a lot.



I went to see the awesome and incredible Olympic Swimmer Dara Torres when she was in the ATL for a book signing at The Carter Center. My good friend and neighbor, Kelley, went with me and we've had lots of laughs about how starstruck we were.


I completed some home design projects (with many more to go). My favorite was replacing the light colored carpet on the stairs between our main and top level with a wild cheetah print runner. Grrrrrrrr......

You'll also notice Olympia got a face lift and a new home...surrounded by a bunch of lovely red tulips!

Hubby and I hosted our second annual Kentucky Derby Party for 40 people. This year the sky opened up and poured rain right after I had the deck all set up. We had to reconfigure and rearrange 30 minutes before the party started...

...but we still managed to have a great time with our cherished family and friends.

Less computer time meant more time for reading. And I'm thrilled that I have more stacks just as wonderful waiting for me.

I'm also in the midst of doing a little prep for bathing suit season. If you want more info on this, let me know. The first couple days are rough, but it's a great plan. (bread? bread? Did someone say bread?)

And of course there was shopping and flipping out the winter closet for spring and summer. That deserves a post all its own.

It's great to be back and I can't wait to catch up with all of you.

Your Opinion, Please

I am in a constant state of home improvement / decorating / re-decorating / moving stuff around at my house.

Which leads me to ask...do any of you use...

1. Bed risers?
2. Indoor grills (like the George Foreman)?
3. Outdoor rugs, specifically on decks or patios?

Opinions, hints, and suggestions about these things (or anything else for that matter) very much appreciated.

Thanks so much!

Mind Helping a Girl Out?

Hi, I'm Olympia.

Jill brought me home to live with her a couple months ago. It's not the Royal Greek Spa or anything but it's a heck of a lot better than that shelf I was sitting on in HomeGoods.

She keeps telling me I won't be laying face-down on the floor behind the chair in her library forever. She keeps telling me she's going to find the perfect place to put me one day really soon.


And just between you and me....she finally confessed she thinks I need a little something. She can't quite per her finger on it, but she thinks I'm just one or two steps shy of spectacular.

And I have to agree with her. I mean, with a name like Olympia, I have to look spectacular. And besides, I've been around the block a time or two.
I quit lying to myself thousands of yeas ago.

I've got great bone structure...let's just face it. And speaking of face, I realize I don't have any eyes but let's not get picky (or a little freaked out).

So what do think I need? I would love your opinion. Any friend of Jill's is a friend of mine.

Would I look better black with a white or gray wash?

Cream with a gold wash?

Brown with a silver wash?

High gloss black?

Another color? (please don't say yellow)

Or do you think I'm beautiful just the way I am?

I have all the time in the world, but truth be told I'd love to get up off the floor.

The little boy that runs around here can get pretty wild.

Maybe after she makes me fabulous, she'll set me somewhere near the TV so I can catch up on those O.C. Housewives.

'Cause if there's anyone who can understand that sassy group, it's another plastic woman in need of a lift...

...off the floor or otherwise.

BooMama's Christmas Tour of Homes

Welcome to my home! This is my third year taking part in BooMama's Christmas Tour of Homes. Here in Atlanta the festivities are well under way, but the weather's not very cold. We certainly don't have any snow...unless you count colorful fall leaves still covering the ground.

Here's my family. We have a teen, a 'tween, and a toddler. Never a dull moment around our house. I'm a step-mom to the two oldest children and my husband and I have a son, Adam, together. He turns 3 years old on December 16th. My husband and I met on e-Harmony in 2003 and will celebrate our 5th anniversary on New Year's Eve.

One of my very favorite things about this time of year is displaying my snowman collection. I have almost 90 - all of them gifts - and I know the giver and story of each one I've received. I love them!


Every year since we've been married I design a frame for our Christmas card photo and display the whole collection of them in the bookcases in my living room over the holidays. Here's years 2003 and 2004...

2005 and 2006...

2007 and 2008...

On to my keeping room / kitchen, where my family spends a fair amount of time. This is one of my favorite places in the house to sit, looking out over our wooded back yard. I love hanging this festive wreath.



Another little corner niche in my keeping room. I keep the large blue and white vase out year-round and change out the greenery for the season. Decorating..easy and fast!


A little boxwood wreath hangs on the window above my sink. I got the Peace ornament at a neighborhood ornament exchange at my house earlier this month. Thanks, Kelley! And more of my beloved snowman collection. A family of five, just like in real life!



This table sits beside my laundry room off the kitchen and displays some of my now-growing collection of santas.


Another Santa tucked into a corner on my kitchen cabinet.

And a jolly trio by my stove.

On to my dining room, and the wine buffet. I love decorating with Christmas balls. They're inexpensive, shiny and very, very pretty just tossed in a container by themselves.

A little corner in the powder room

The living room, where our stockings are hung. One of my fondest memories of Christmas as a child is seeing what was in my stocking on Christmas morning. So Mom and Dad still have a stocking at our house. Santa lives in your heart, after all!

I keep the bookcases on either side of the mantle fairly simple - have to save room for all my books! A little sprig here... a little berry there...added to the things I keep up all year-round.

Our three year old calls this Nativity "Jesus' town". I bought it at Cracker Barrel (of all places!) one fall day on a road trip.

Thanks for stopping by my house on this fun bloggy tour of homes.

From our home to yours....
Best wishes for a wonderful Christmas and a bright New Year!