And God Said, "You Didn't Need that Latte Anyway"


Doug was gone on a guy's trip all weekend which left Adam and me home alone until Sunday evening. If absence makes the heart grow fonder, let me just tell you that 48-hours alone with a toddler takes me completely out of the running for Mother of the Year. I'm just sayin'...

Adam is not easily amused by things like toys, balls, a swimming pool, or bribes of food. He would rather take things in and out of the refrigerator, screw the cap on and off the soy milk, lay on the dishwasher door and play with the dirty silverware, or throw a whole box of cotton swabs around the bedroom. He also loves to be chased around the house, but now that we've added 280 sq. ft. it's much more of a workout than I prefer.

And speaking of sweat, it was almost too hot to spend much time at the pool. Not only does Carolyn the Pool Lady plant her name-calling self there 24/7, Adam also refuses to do anything except throw his shoes in the water. And wouldn't you know it... the text-messaging, iPod listening lifeguard had to tell me that's not allowed. As if my guzzling two Corona Lights in less than 30 minutes would impair my ability to figure that out on my own. But then again, what 39-year old couldn't use some guidance from a teenager?

Finally, I must add to the mix Adam waking up at 5:30 both Saturday and Sunday mornings and the summer cold that overtook my head Saturday night. You know, getting a cold in the summer just shouldn't be possible. It's like saying, "It's December! Put on your string bikini and go outside." Not that I own a string bikini, but I'm just sayin'...

So, with all good intentions, I packed up the boy yesterday morning and headed to Sunday School. For a stress-free arrival, we need to leave the house at 9:30. Considering the fact we'd been up since 5:30, you'd think four hours would give us plenty of time to get ready. But oh no...the diaper gods had other plans, and we didn't leave until 9:42.

Now, I've already written about my beverage issue. I do not rest - even on Sunday - when it comes to my beverages. Neither a cold, nor lack of sleep, nor an impatient toddler can come between me and my beverages.

By the time I got out of the oh. so. slow. line. at the coffee place, it was 9:51. Normally Doug and I tag team upon arrival at the church. He parks and brings the coffee, while I wrangle the kids to their classrooms. We then meet on the 3rd floor for our blissful hour of power, without someone hanging on our leg or wiping their nose on our shirt.

But yesterday it was just me, the Bible, the bags, the beverage and the back-arching, hair-pulling toddler who wanted to walk all by himself the half mile or so to the church. Just as I thought I had it all together and we could start the journey, my large, soy, sugar-free, hazelnut latte spilled all over the hood of my car. Not a drop remained. I tried salvaging even a tiny, little sip. But it was not meant to be.

By the time I fell into my seat in Sunday School, I seriously thought the message was going to start out something like this:

When you have ample time but still manage to run late,
remember the weak shall inherit the Earth.

When you think you need a soy, sugar-free hazelnut latte,
drink in the wisdom of God's word instead.

When your toddler attempts to lunge out of your arms in the middle of a busy parking lot, pray for a patient heart.

But it didn't. It was something about walking through the narrow gate when all the world wants us to walk through the wide gate.

So, when I got home I decided to walk through the pool gate. I needed a Corona Light, and Adam's shoes had a little bit of latte on them and needed a good rinse.


Rhoda @ Southern Hospitality :

Jill, you have a great way of telling a everyday, mom story! That was great...I hope Adam is better today. You've got a lot of patience to have a toddler in your 40's! My hat's off to you for that...I do not have the energy. You go, girl. LOL

Southern Hospitality

Lori :

Oh - that was just hilarious! If we lived closer, I'd have come to the pool with you and brought the limes.

Is girl's weekend coming up soon? You deserve it!

Momma Roar :

You are a great story teller - I hope you were able to have a somewhat relaxing time by the pool!


This is my first visit. Enjoyed your post. It's been awile since I had a toddler, but I have fun memories of those days!;-)

Back Porch Musings

justabeachkat :

Thanks for a good chuckle. Love the way you tell a story!


Leah in Iowa :

Wow ~ sounds like you had quite a weekend! Are you glad it's Monday? Ha.

Those days seem so far away! (sniff, sniff) Enjoy them while they're young ~ even though they drive you nuts at times ~ because the time goes so fast. Looking at that picture of my son on my blog again, in his high chair, just drives it home! Love 'em to death!

Vader's Mom :

Oh goodness. You've had a really rough weekend. Hope you got that coffee this morning.

I agree. You are a GREAT storyteller :)

Trudi :

just came along to your blog from Rhoda's site, Souther Hospitality and I will be back. Really nice blog.

Annie :

I'm so happy to hear that someone else is a beverage junkie (1) and that they love to drink out of styrofoam (2)! I hoard/hide my bag of 20 oz. (has to be 20 oz, not 16 too small) styrofoam cups! I do not let anyone else use them. Isn't that terrible? Anyway, I have a similar issue with beverages. Mine have to be a certain temperature etc. I guess you just have to laugh at yourself... I can laugh as long as no one messes with my stuff :o).

Dianne :

That's a very funny story...I could just picture in my head every bit of it taking place...that's just how Sunday's go sometimes, isn't it?

Susan :

Oh Jill....that was FUNNY! When you first mentioned the lifeguard, I thought I should remind you that the other part of your "neighbor" post was just how much that TEEN is getting paid. Seriously though...I'm sure you were exhausted by the time it was all said and done. You need a "girls weekend away" now!

I nominated you for a "Rockin' Girl Blogger" award...head on over to my place and pick it up!

Hugs to you.

:-) Susan

Lauren@Baseballs&Bows :

Jill, I know it wasn't funny to you at the time, but that sure was an amusing retelling! Hope today was better!

Tracey Kirksey :

Jill, I couldn't help but giggle as I was reading your recount of the weekend.

My sister and I seem to ALWAYS have days like that and when we think it can't get any worse, we'll just look at each other and say, "okay, where's the hidden camera?! Cause we've got to be on Candid Camera! Stuff like this doesn't just happen to normal people!"

Hang in there girlfriend and add an extra sqeeze of lime! ;-)

Nadine :

I knew I like you - Corona & lattes. Thanks for the laugh - you have a way with words.

Susan :

I know you probably won't be happy with me telling you this but I am smiling from this post!!!! Hope today was better.

Stephanie :

Hilarious, as always, Jill. It brings back memories of the "diaper bag and stroller" days. Some days I miss them, others not so much. I vividly remember the back-arching, hair-pulling moments and am so grateful for the "go ahead kids, run on to Sunday School" ability we now have! What a great story, though. Maybe the pool lady needs a Corona, too. I wonder if it works as well absorbed through the skin... :)

Sonya :

I love it! What better way to avenge yourself than to wash the dirty shoes in the pool! Love it! I cannot believe this Carolyn person! You certainly handled it with grace. I'm not sure I could have walked away without pulling her hair and poking her in the eye! LOL! Sorry about the coffee! I'm sure your glad your hubby is home though!

Bella :

Oh bless your heart! You needed more than a latte....when Dad's away Mommy needs a little nip for sane to stay! LOL

Janis :

What a morning you had. I love the way that you told the story. Kids have a way of making our lives crazy, don't they? Blessings to you!

heidi @ ggip :

Very good story. Sorry about your coffee. I have been trying to give it up, but very unsuccessfully...

Judi :

LOL! I am not laughing at you. I am laughing because I can identify SO WELL with the story! I am so glad I am not alone. I'll pray for you, you pray for me! :)

BlondeMomBlog (Jamie) :

I really love your sense of humor!

It's always a bad sign when taking the kids to church drives you to drink. ;) My 5-year-old had VBS this week and her incessant screaming of a catchy little Jesus cheer may cause me to rip my hair out or just drive down to the liquor store and get a nice bottle of wine. Or two. ;)

Jillian Inc. All rights reserved © Blog Milk Powered by Blogger